Over the years providing wedding rabbi services for all ceremonies, I have come across many different types of people in this world. Some are more romantic than others are. Some believe in the power of love. Others are more realistic, prone to acting with their head more so than their heart. That is fine, because no two of us are alive. That is why the world is a beautiful place so we should get in the habit of embracing our differences. That is one of my main missions when I work with a couple – bringing out their beautiful differences. If only couples would feel the same way!
Nowadays couples put too much pressure on themselves when it comes to wedding planning, with many constantly scouring social media sites like Pinterest in order to find the wedding look that “speaks” for them. This is when the stress starts to build – no dam in existence can hold it all back. The thing that I have learned after all these years is to be comfortable in your own skin and your wedding, however you want it to be, will be the perfect wedding for you and your partner. Meghan Demaria of Refinery29 learned all about it when planning her own wedding.
She writes, “Planning a wedding can be all-consuming. Meeting with vendors, finalizing a guest list, sending save-the-dates and invitations – there’s a lot of work that goes into a one-day event. But what the well-wishers won’t tell you outright is that they usually have a certain idea of how your wedding (and your relationship) should be. And if you’re not a particularly romantic person by nature (which I’m not), wedding planning can be even more difficult.”
Demaria found herself in a precarious position: Planning a wedding but not being very romantic or sentimental about it. Because of the way she is, Demaria felt more vulnerable to the ebb and flow of normal wedding planning behavior. She felt like an oddity in a world of flowers and handholding. Why should someone like her experience the magic and charm of nuptials? Commentators, or trolls, attacked her on an article she wrote about her engagement. In her words, “My story was picked up by conservative blogs that mocked me for running romance and accused me of generally being a feminist killjoy.”
That is ridiculous; nothing killjoy about who you are as a person. Wedding planning can bring out the best or the worst in a person. If you read the article in full, which I recommend you do, you will see that Demaria is not a big fan of wedding planning, but it has made her a better person: She has figured out who she is as a person and what she wants out of life. Even if that knowledge does not have all the answer, Demaria is still in a better position than she was a year ago.
At Atlanta Jewish & Interfaith Weddings, I believe that wedding planning (in addition to the ceremony and reception) should bring out the best in a couple. As your wedding officiant, I will do everything in my power to make that a reality. Contact me today for more information.
